Aw, Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re an old man now, and old people are useless.— Homer
Is Waylon Smithers gay? The evidence suggests so, though of course it has never been confirmed. Below are the references from the show to Waylon Smithers' sexuality; You can decide for yourself.
In order to keep this page family-friendly, very few of the euphemisms used are explained. If you don't understand a reference, try looking up the phrase at Urban Dictionary.
The feeling is more than mutual.
Actually, I value every moment we're together, from when I squeeze his orange juice in the morning, to when I tuck him in at night.
Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?Smithers replies,
If you did it, sir?
Thank you for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkward.Shortly after, Burns concedes that
there's nothing left to do but kiss my sorry ass goodbye.Smithers asks,
May I, sir?
I think women and seamen don't mix.is the reply.
No-one does,Waylon replies, imagining a naked Burns jumping out of a cake and singing
Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers.
It's me, sir, Bobo!he says.
Hug me, squeeze me, tug at my fur!
Bah! Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing!Smithers replies:
A little mincing would be nice.
Do What You FeelFestival, Burns and Smithers enjoy a so-called
iced cream.Smithers confesses him love:
Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that I... love you.He quickly adds,
In those colors!Aside, he whispers,
Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!
Hello. Smithers. You're. Quite. Good. At. Turning. Me. On.
Darling one, read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying: a love that will be with you always. Sincerely, yatta, yatta, yatta.Waylon explains how he came up with it so quickly:
I sent it to you on your birthday.Mr. Burns, however, isn't listening.
choice of lifestyle.
something gay, no doubt,over the weekend, by which he means
lighthearted, fancy-free,Smithers nervously agrees.mothers lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town!
with pleasure, sir!
My parents insisted I give it a try.
So this is yoursick mother?
old man smell.Smithers reassures him:
Don't listen to him, sir. You've got an enchanting musk.
Well, that's the end of the girls' floor exercises, now let's bring on the men!
You see me as a God, right, Smithers?
Absolutely, sir!Smithers replies.
You'd kneel before me?He replies, excitedly,
Boy, would I!
there's a rocket in my pocket.Smithers replies,
You don't have to tell me, sir.
No one will want to kiss me after these, eh Smithers?to which Smithers replies,
It's their loss, sir.
I... like you, sirin a romantic kind of way.
You're much more fun than Smithers. He doesn't even know the meaning of the word 'gay'!At which point we cut to Smithers performing a musical about his Malibu Stacey dolls in the West End.
We'll never know,he replies.