Simpsons Song Lyrics & Music

[Listen - 614kb]

(instrumental)

 

[Listen - 125kb]

(instrumental)

 

[Listen - 135kb]

High pitch: They fight, and bite!
And fight and fight and bite!
Fight fight fight!
Bite bite bite!
The Itchy and Scratchy show!

 

[Listen]

All: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it glows.
Bart: Like a light bulb!
Homer: Bart!

All: All of the other reindeer,
Used to laugh and call him names.
Lisa: Like Schnozzola!
Homer: Lisa!

All: They never let poor Rudolph,
Join in any reindeer games.
Bart: Like strip poker!
Homer: I'm warning you two!

All: Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
Marge: Take it Homer!

Homer: Err... Rudolph, get your nose over here,
So you can guide my sleigh... today.
Grampa: Oh, Homer...

All: Then all the reindeer loved him,
And they shouted out with glee:
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
You'll go down in history!
Bart: Like Attila the H- ugh, urk!
Homer: You little... grrrr!

 

[Listen]

Bart: I got a B in arithmetic.
Army: I got a B in arithmetic.
Bart: Would have got an A but I was sick.
Army: Would have got an A but I was sick.

Bart: We are rubber, you are glue.
Army: We are rubber, you are glue.
Bart: It bounces off of us and sticks to you.
Army: It bounces off of us and sticks to you.
Bart: Sound off.
Army: One! Two!
Bart: Sound off!
Army: Three!! Four!!

Bart: In English class I did the best.
Army: In English class I did the best.
Bart: Because I cheated on the test.
Army: Because I cheated on the test.
Bart: Sound off.
Army: One! Two!
Bart: I can't hear you!
Army: Three!! Four!!

Bart: We are happy, we are merry.
Army: We are happy, we are merry.
Bart: We got a rhyming dictionary.
Army: We got a rhyming dictionary.
Bart: Sound off.
Army: One! Two!
Bart: One more time!
Army: Three! Four!
Bart: Bring it on home now!
Army: One! Two! Three! Four!
One! Two! ... Three-Four!

 

[Version 1] [Version 2]

Murphy: Oh, I'm so lonely,
Since my baby left me,
I got no money,
And nothing is free.
Oh, I've been so alone,
Since the day I was born,
All I got is this rusty,
This rusty old horn.
Lisa: I got a bratty brother,
He bugs me everyday,
And this morning my own mother,
Gave my last cupcake away.
My Dad acts like he belongs,
He belongs in the zoo,
I'm the saddest kid,
In grade number two.

 

[Listen - 68kb]

Only a moron wouldn't cast his vote for Monty Burns!

 

[Listen]

Tony Bennett: There's a swingin' town I know called... Capital City.
People stop and scream hello in... Capital City.
It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel like a king.
And it makes a king feel like some nutty, cuckoo,
super-king.

It's against the law to frown in... Capital City.
You'll caper like a stupid clown when you chance to see...
Fourth Street and 'D'! Yeah!

Once you get a whiff of it, you'll never want to roam,
From Capital City, my home sweet, swingin' home!

 

[Listen]

Michael Jackson: Lisa, it's your birthday.
God bless you this day.
You gave me the gift of a little sister,
And I'm proud of you today.

Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.

Michael: I wish you love and good will.
I wish you peace and joy.
Bart: I wish you better than your heart desires.
Michael: And your first kiss from a boy.

Michael & Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Bart: Yeah!

Michael & Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.

Michael: I wish you love and good will.
I wish you peace and joy.
Bart: I wish you better than your heart desires.
Michael: And your first kiss from a boy.
Michael & Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.

Bart: Take it away, Lis.
(Lisa does a saxophone solo)
Michael & Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
(Lisa plays some more)
Michael & Bart: Happy birthday, Lisa.

 

[Listen]

Well Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while,
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile...

We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer...
Ozzie and the Straw.

We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer...
Ozzie and the Straw.

 

[Listen - 264kb]

(instrumental)

 

[Listen]

When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life,
Bills to pay, a dead-end job,
And problems with the wife.

But don't throw in the towel,
'Cause there's a place right down the block,
Where you can drink your misery away...

At Flaming Moe's,
(Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...)
(Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...)
When liquor in a mug,
Can warm you like a hug.
(Flaming Moe's...)
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away,
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away...

 

[Listen]

Lurleen: You work all day, for some old man,
Sweat and break your back,
Then you go home to your castle,
But your queen won't cut you slack.

That's why you're losin' all your hair,
That's why you're overweight,
That's why you flipped your pickup truck
Right off the interstate.

There's a lot of bull they hand you,
There's nothin' you can do,
Your wife don't understand you, but I do,
I said your wife don't understand you, but I do!

 

[Listen]

Lurleen: Oh the bases were empty on the diamond of my heart,
When the coach called me up to the plate.
I'd been swingin', and missin', and lovin', and kissin',
My average was point double eight.

So I spit on my hands, knock the dirt from my spikes,
And pointed right toward center field.
This time I'm hittin' a home run,
This time love is for real.

I'll slide, I'll steal, I'll sacrifice,
A lovin' fly for you.
I've been slumpin' all season, but now I've found a reason,
I struck on a love that is true.

I used to play the field,
I used to be a roamer,
But the season's turning 'round for me now,
I finally bagged me a Homer.
That's right, I finally bagged me a Homer.

 

[Listen]

Lurleen: In this trailer, I get so cold and lonely,
Lying there awake at night, muttering if only
You weren't married, So I might ask you
To bunk with me tonight,
Bunk with me tonight, oh, bunk with me tonight,
I'm asking, will you bunk with me tonight.

 

[Listen]

Lurleen: His name is Homer, he's quite a man,
I tried to kiss him, but Homer ran.
Sure wish I could say, that I was his,
I hope that Marge knows, just how lucky she is.

 

[Listen]

The singers include Troy McClure, BG Murphy, Quimby, Krusty, Sting, Sideshow Mel, McBain, and Dr. Marvin Monroe.
Sting: There's a hole in my heart
As deep as a well,
For that poor little boy,
Who's stuck halfway to Hell...

Sideshow Mel: Though we can't get him out,
We'll do the next best thing,
McBain: We go on TV and sing, sing, sing!
All: And we're sending our love down the well...
Krusty: All the way down!
All: We're sending our love down the well...
Krusty: Down that well!

 

[Listen]

Campers: Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty,
By the shores of Big Snake Lake.
Though your swings are rusty,
We know they'll never break.
Kearney: Louder! Faster!

Campers: From your gleaming mess hall,
To your hallowed baseball field,
Your spic n' span infirmary,
Where all our wounds are healed.
Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty,
Below Mount Avalanche.
We will always love Kamp Krusty,
A registered trademark of the Krusty Corporation,
All rights reserved!

 

Homer: When the fire starts to burn,
There's a lesson you must learn.
Something, something, then you see,
You'll avoid catastrophe!
D'oh!

 

[Listen]

Bad cops, bad cops, Bad cops, bad cops.
Bad cops, bad cops, Bad cops, bad cops.

Springfield cops are on the take,
But what do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or on a horse,
We don't mind using excessive force!

Bad cops, bad cops,
Bad cops, bad cops.

 

[Listen]

Smithers: There is a man,
Chorus: There is a man!
Smithers: A certain man,
Chorus: A certain man!
Smithers: A man whose grace,
and handsome face
are known across the land.

You know his name,
Chorus: You know his name!
Smithers: It's Mr. Burns,
Chorus: It's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke,
Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha!

Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns.
Chorus: He's Mr. Burns!
Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He's Monty Burns!
Burns: I'm MR. Burns!
Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty
but to you it's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: Bur-bur-bur-bur-Burns!
Burns: Burns!

 

Homer: Boom-chi-ca-boom-chi-ca-boom-chi-boom
I'm Mr. Plow, and I'm here to say,
I'm the plowin'est guy in the USA.
I got a big plow and I'll move a lot of things,
Like your cow if you have one.

 

[Listen - 33kb]

Homer: Call Mr. Plow,
That's my name,
That name again is Mr. Plow!

 

[Listen - 192kb]

Linda Ronstadt: When the snow starts a-fallin',
There's a man you should be callin',
That's KL5-4796, let it ring!
Mr. Plow is a loser,
And I think he is a boozer,
Barney & Linda: So you better make that call to the Plow King!

 

[Listen]

Homer: Simpson! Homer Simpson!
He's the greatest guy in history,
From the, town of Springfield,
He's about to hit a chestnut tree!
Aaaah!

 

[Listen]

Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth like a genuine, bona fide, electrified, six-car Monorail! What'd I say?
Flanders: Monorail!
Lanley: What's it called?
Patty & Selma: Monorail!
Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
[crowd chants 'Monorail']

Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.

Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs.
Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.

Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice,
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!

Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
All: Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!
[big finish] Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!

 

[Listen]

All: We are the mediocre presidents.
You won't find our faces on dollars or on cents!

There's Taylor, there's Tyler,
There's Fillmore and there's Hayes.
There's William Henry Harrison,
Harrison: I died in thirty days!

All: We... are... the...
Adequate, forgettable,
Occasionally regrettable
Caretaker presidents of the U-S-A!

 

[Listen]

Homer: When I was seventeen,
I drank some very good beer,
I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID,
My name was Brian McGee,
I stayed up listening to Queen,
When I was seventeen.

 

[Listen]

Lisa: Come gather 'round children,
It's high time ye learned,
'Bout a hero named Homer
And a devil named Burns.

We'll march till we drop,
The girls and the fellas,
We'll fight till the death
Or else fold like umbrellas.

All: So we'll march day and night,
By the big cooling tower,
They have the plant,
But we have the power.

 

[Listen - 80kb]

Chorus: Hens love roosters,
Geese love ganders,
Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!
Homer: Not me.
Chorus: Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!

 

[Listen]

Chorus: O whacking day, o whacking day,
Our hallowed snake-skull cracking day.

Soprano: We'll break their backs, gouge out their eyes,
Their evil hearts, we'll pulverise.

Chorus: O whacking day, o whacking day,
May God bestow His grace on thee.

 

[Listen]

Gabbo: You're gonna like me,
You're gonna love me,
'Cause I can do most anything.
I can do the hully gully,
I can imitate Vin Scully!

(spoken)
Let's take time out from that triple play
for this message from Farmer Dan's Pure Pork
Sausages! Mmm, mmm...

I'll give out shiny dimes,
I'll travel back in time!
Dolls: You're gonna like him,
You're gonna love him,
It's the greatest show in to-ow-ow-ow-own!
Gabbo!

 

[Listen]

Be Sharps: Baby on board, how I adore,
That sign on my car's windowpane
Bounce in my step,
Loaded with pep,
'Cause I'm drivin' in the carpool lane.

Call me a square,
Friend, I don't care.
That little yellow sign can't be ignored
I'm telling you it's mighty nice
Each trip's a trip to paradise
With my baby on board.

 

[Listen]

Bart: OK, we're young, rich, and full of sugar. What do we do?
Milhouse: [yelling] Let's go crazy, Broadway style!
Both: Sringfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town:
The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down.
The stray dogs go to the animal pound,
Bart: Springfield, Springfield!
Milhouse: Springfield, Springfield!
Sailor: New York, New York!
Bart: New York is that-a-way, man!
Sailor: Thanks, kid!
Both: It's a hell of a town!

 

[Listen]

Apu: You see, whether igloo, hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic dome,
There's no structure I have been to, which I'd rather call my home.

[music starts]

When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.
Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophise,
Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella,
Sorry 'bout the salmonella.
Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.

Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Here comes the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?

Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They made Dad sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real... D'oh!

Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? Not me...
Family: (Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?)
Apu: Not me!

 

[Listen - 130kb]

Without a Mayor Quimby, our town would really stink,
We wouldn't have a tire yard, or a mid-size roller rink.
We wouldn't have our gallows, or our shiny Bigfoot trap,
It's not the mayor's fault that the stadium collapsed!

 

[Listen]

All: One! chorus line of people,
Dancing till they make us stop,
Willie: Two!
All: Many dancing people,
Covered with blood, gore and glop.

Just one sniff of that fog and you're inside out,
It's worse than that flesh-eating virus you've read about.
Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in.
The family dog is eyeing Bart's intestine.
Happy Halloween!

 

[Listen]

All: Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!

Karl: Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Lenny: Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
Alien: We do! We do!

All: Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do! We do!

Skinner: Who robs cavefish of their sight?
Homer: Who rigs every Oscar night?
All: We do! We do!

 

[Listen]

Burns: Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food,
The only thing I'm hunting for, is an outfit that looks good...

See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better than authentic Irish setter,
See this hat, 'twas my cat,
My evening wear - vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino.

Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtle's necks, I've got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle it shall rest,
Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest, see my vest.

Like my loafers? Former gophers,
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best,
So let's prepare these dogs,
Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs,
Burns: See my vest, see my vest,
Oh please, won't you see my vest.
I really like the vest.

 

[Listen]

Lisa: Lift me, won't you lift me,
Above the old routine,
Make it nice,
Play it clean,
Jazz Man...

When the Jazz Man's testifyin',
A fateless man believes,
He can sing you into paradise,
Or bring you to your knees.

(this is an extra verse added on over the credits)
Jazz man,
Take my blues away,
Make my fame the same as yours,
With every game you play.
Jazz man, oh Jazz Man.
(Lisa & BG Murphy jam)

 

[Listen]

Kid: Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?
Amendment: I'm not garbage,
I'm an amendment-to-be, yes an amendment-to-be,
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me.

There's a lot of flag-burners,
Who have got too much freedom,
I want to make it legal
For policemen to beat'em.

'Cause there's limits to our liberties,
At least I hope and pray that there are,
'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.

Kid: But why can't we just make a law against flag-burning?
Amendment: Because that law would be unconstitutional.
But if we changed the Constitution...
Kid: Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!
Amendment: Now you're catching on!
Kid: What if people say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?

Amendment: Then I'll crush all opposition to me,
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay.
If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay.

Congressman: Good news, Amendment! They ratified ya!
You're in the US Constitution!
Amendment: Oh yeah! Doors open boys!

 

[Listen]

Chimpanzee 1: Help! The human's about to escape.
Troy: Get your paws off me, you dirty ape!
Chimpanzee 2: (gasp) He can talk!
Orangutans: He can talk! He can talk! He can talk!
He can talk! He can talk! He can talk!
Troy: And I can sing!
Chimp Nurse: Oooh! Help me, Dr. Zaius!

Orangutans: Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
O, Dr. Zaius!
Orangutan 1: Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!

Troy: What's wrong with me?
Dr. Zaius: I think you're crazy.
Troy: I want a second opinion.
Dr. Zaius: You're also lazy.

Orangutans: Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
O, Dr. Zaius!
Orangutan 1: Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!

Troy: Can I play the piano any more?
Dr. Zaius: Of course you can!
Troy: Well I couldn't before.
(plays piano)

Orangutans: Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!

 

[Listen - 107kb]

When you need a midnight snack,
A heat-lamp dog or a Duff six-pack,
Then pull out your wallet and don't hold back,
With Apu Nahasapeemapetilon!

 

[Listen]

(The lyrics to this song appeared on-screen.)

Some folk'll never eat a skunk
But then again, some folk'll...
Like Cletus The slack-jawed yokel.

Most folk'll never lose a toe
And then again, some folk'll...
Like Cletus The slack-jawed yokel.

 

[Listen - 109kb]

Skinner, with his crazy explanations,
The superintendant's gonna need his medication,
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!

 

[Listen]

Scorpio!
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!

His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world,
And his employees' health.
He'll welcome you into his lair,
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest.
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!

But beware of his generous pensions,
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year,
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!

 

[Listen]

Homer: You could close down Moe's,
Or the Kwik-E-Mart,
And nobody would care,
But the heart and soul
Of Springfield's in
Our Maison Derriere!

Belle: We're the sauce on your steak,
We're the cheese in your cake,
We put the spring in Springfield.
Dancing Girl 1: We're the lace on the nightgown,
Dancing Girl 2: The point after touchdown,
Belle and Dancing Girls: Yes we put the spring in Springfield.

Belle: We're that little extra spice
That makes existence extra-nice,
A giddy little thrill
At a reasonable price.
Lovejoy: Our only major quarrel's
With your total lack of morals.
Dancing Girl 3: Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad,
Dancing Girl 4: They seem to entertain your dad!

Belle and Dancing Girls: The gin in your martini,
The clams on your linguine,
Yes we keep the
(Belle flicks Bumblebee Man's antenna)
In Springfield!

Wiggum, Krusty, and Skinner: We remember our first visit,
Quimby: The service was exquisite!
Mrs Quimby: Why Joseph, I had no idea!
Quimby: Come on now, you were working here!
Grampa and Jasper: Without it we'd have had no fun,
Since March of 1961!
Bart: To shut it down now would be twisted,
Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney: We just heard this place existed!

Dancing Girls: We're the highlights in your hairdo,
Apu: The extra arms on Vishnu,
Dancing Girls: So don't take the
(Barney opens a Krusty-in-the-box)
All: We won't take the
(Sideshow Mel blows on his slide-whistle)
All: Yes let's keep the
(Moe crashes two garbage can lids together)
All: In Springfield!
(Krusty hits his face with a pie, Willy accidentally hits Lenny in the head with a sledgehammer, Wiggum and the Comic Book Guy bounce their bellies together, Burns honks the horn on his antique car, Captain McCallister reels in a fish, and Barney burps.)

 

[Listen]

Lisa: If you wish to be our sitter,
Please be sweet and never bitter.
Help us with math and book reports,
Bart: Might I add - eat my shorts!
Lisa: Bart!
Bart: Just cuttin' through the treacle.

Lisa: If Maggie's fussy, don't avoid her,
Bart: Let me get away with moider!
Lisa: Teach us songs and magic tricks,
Homer: Might I add - no fat chicks!
Marge: Homer!

Lisa: The nanny we want is kindly and sage,
Homer: And one who will work for minimum wage.
Lisa: Hurry nanny, things are grim,
Grampa: I'll do it!
Bart & Lisa: Anyone but him.

 

[Listen]

Shary: If there's a task that must be done,
Don't turn your tail and run,
Don't pout, don't sob,
Just do a half-assed job!

If... you... cut every corner
It is really not so bad,
Everybody does it,
Even mom and dad.
If nobody sees it,
Then nobody gets mad,
Bart: It's the American way!

Shary: The policeman on the beat
Needs some time to rest his feet.
Wiggum: Fighting crime is not my cup of tea!
Shary: And the clerk who runs the store
Can charge a little more
For meat!
Apu: For meat!
Shary: And milk!
Apu: And milk!
Both: From 1984!

Shary: If... you... cut every corner,
You'll have more time for play,
All: It's the American way!

 

[Listen]

Shary: In front of a tavern,
Flat on his face,
A boozehound named Barney
Is pleading his case.

Barney: Buy me a beer,
Two bucks a glass.
Come on, help me,
I'm freezing my ass.

Buy me brandy,
A snifter of wine.
Who am I kidding?
I'll drink turpentine.

Moe: Move it, ya drunk,
Or I'll blast your rear end.
Barney: I found two bucks!
Moe: Then come in, my friend!

Shary: And so, let us leave
On this heartwarming scene.
Bart: Can I be a boozehound?
Homer: Not till you're fifteen.

 

[Listen]

Homer: Around the house, I never lift a finger,
As a husband and a father, I'm sub-par.
I'd rather drink a beer
Than win father of the year,
I'm happy with things the way they are.

Lisa: I'm getting used to never getting noticed,
Bart: I'm stuck here till I can steal a car.
Marge: The house is still a mess,
And I'm going bald from stress,
Bart, Marge, & Lisa: But we're happy, just the way we are.

Flanders: They're not perfect,
But the Lord says "Love thy neighbour."
Homer: Shut up, Flanders.
Flanders: Okely-dokely-do.
Shary: Don't think it's sour grapes,
But you're all a bunch of apes,
And so I must be leaving you!

 

[Listen - 101kb]

High pitch: They fight, and bite!
Low pitch: And bark.
High pitch: And fight and fight and bite!
Low pitch: And bark.
High pitch: Fight fight fight!
Low pitch: Woof woof woof.
High pitch: The Itchy and Scratchy - and Poochie - show!

 

[Listen - 82kb]

Poochie: The name's Poochie D and I rock the telly,
I'm half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli.
I'm the kung fu hippie from gangsta city,
I'm a rappin' surfer, you the fool I pity.

 

[Listen - 210kb]

(instrumental)

 

[Listen - 412kb]

While shopping for some cans,
An old man passed away,
He floated up toward Heaven,
But got lost along the way.
Now he's the love-matic Grampa,
The wise Socratic Grampa,
He'll fill our hearts with love.

 

[Listen]

Homer: Who can take your trash out?
Stomp it down for you?
Shake the plastic bag and do the twisty-thingy too?
The Garbage Man!

Trash Men: Yes the Garbage Man Can!
Homer & Trash Men: The Garbage Man can
And he does it with a smile
And never judges you.

Marge: Who can take this diaper?
Trash Man: I don't mind at all!
Wiggum: Who can clean me up before the big policeman's ball?
The Garbage Man!
Trash Men: Yes the Garbage Man can.

U2: The sanitation folks
Are jolly friendly blokes.
Courteous and easy-going
U2 & Trash Men: They'll mop up when you're over flowin'!
Bono: And tell you when your arse is showin'!

Apu: Who can?
Sideshow Mel: Who can?
Flanders: Who can?
Oscar: Who can?

All: The Garbage Man can!
Bart and Lisa: Coz he's Homer Simpson, man!
All: He cleans the world....for....you!

 

[Listen]

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..
Canyonero! Canyonero!

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!
Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero!

The Federal Highway commission has ruled the
Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Canyonero!

12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!

Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)

She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She's a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!
Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)

Drive Canyonero!
Woah Canyonero!
Woah!

 

[Listen]

Homer: Oy, the way the Bee Gee's played,
Marge: Movies John Travolta made,
Homer: Guessing how much Elvis weighed,
Homer & Marge: Those were the days!

Marge: And you knew where you were then,
Homer: Watching shows like "Gentle Ben",
Homer & Marge: Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again!

Homer: Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac,
Marge: Coming out of my eight-track,
Homer & Marge: Michael Jackson still was black, those were the days!

[later]

Homer: Bart was feeling mighty blue
Marge: It's a shame what school can do
Apu: For no reason, here's Apu
All: Those were the days!

 

[Listen]

Lisa: You like musicals don't you dad?
Homer: No, I don't, I think they're bad.
They're fake and phony and totally wrong.
Bart: Wake up dad, you're singing a song.
Homer: I wouldn't, I couldn't, I hate that stuff.
Marge: Now Homer, listen, I've had enough.
In our family videos we have clearly seen,
you're a singing, dancing, entertainment machine.

[clips]

Bart: Mom was right, your singing's a sin.
You're as les misérable as Lee Marvin.
Marge: Sure your dad's singing could make your hair curl,
but you too Bart have sung and danced like a girl.
Bart: Eep.

[clips]

Lisa: That was pretty bad Bart, but it could have been worse,
you could have been carrying a sequined verse.
Bart: I hate to dance, and prance and sing.
That's really more of a Milhouse thing.
Marge: I think you move like a young Baryshnikov.
Snake: Nobody move, or I'll blow your heads off.
All: Ohh.
Snake: Ohh.

Marge: It's a desperate criminal on the run from the law,
please spare my children.
Homer: And their damp-trousered pa.
Snake: A singing family, it's worse than I feared,
for hostage purposes, you're just too weird. Bye!
Homer: See? All this singing scared him away,
if we just talked like normal he'd probably stay.
Lisa: Many people in this town sing like we do.
There's Mr. Burns, there's Krusty, and even Apu.

[clips]

Lisa: Because he was singing, we overheard his plan,
and could save those dogs from that mean old man.
Bart: It still wasn't worth, Burns, a song and dance.
Snake: I'm back so resume, wetting your pants.
Homer: Okay.
Snake: Because of you all I've got a tune in my head,
and the only way to stop it is to make you all dead.
Say your prayers, and then it's kablamo.
Uh-oh, I'll be back when I get some ammo. Bye!

Homer: Even the criminals are beginning to croon.
Marge: Homey, this whole town runs on a tune.
Our churches, our clubs, our government too.
Bart: Springfield swings like a pendulum do.
Lisa: We can't even get any local laws passed,
without everyone singing... like a big broadway cast.

[clips]

Homer: All right Marge,
you've convinced me,
there are more terrible things
than musical comedies where everyone sings.
Lisa: There is something worse.
Bart: And it really does blow.
All: When a long running series does a cheesy clip show!
Snake: I'm back to commit phelonious assault,
because your infernal singing, just would not halt.

 

[Listen - 59kb]

Mama took those batteries,
She took 'em away,
Mama took those batteries,
Size double-A.

 

[Listen]

Kids: Adults!
Adults: Kids!
Kids: Adults!
Adults: Kids!
Kids: Adults!

Lovejoy: Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill.
Homer: Yeah! You're only here 'cause Marge forgot her pill.
Wiggum: Kids, you're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks.
Krusty: Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys!
Please don't quit the fan-club!
Marge: Kids! I can nag and nag 'til my hair turns blue!
Edna: Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say 'thank you'!
Rod & Todd: Why can't you be like we are?
Adults: Oh, what a bunch of brats!
Moe: We oughta drown you just like cats!

Bart: Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!
Nelson: Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!
Lisa: Adults! You're such a drooling, boring, boozing, boring bunch.
Surly, meany, three-martini lunchers.
Ralph: I just ate a thumbtack!
Milhouse: Adults! They're always telling us to--

Abe: --shut your traps!
Jasper: Eh ... we're fed up with all you whipper-snaps!
Oldies: We're tryin' to get some sleep here, it's almost six-fifteen!
What's the matter with ...
Adults: Don't you treat us like ...
Kids: Can't you just lay off ...
Oldies: We're sick of all of you!
All: Kids... toooo... day!

 

[Listen - 182kb]

Homer: Max Power,
He's the man who's name you'd love to touch,
But you mustn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear,
But when you say it, you mustn't fear!
'Cause his name can be said by anyone!

 

[Listen - 109kb]

Homer: I like pizza, I like bagels,
I like hotdogs with mustard and beer.
I'll eat eggplant, I could even eat a baby deer.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la,
Who's that baby deer on the lawn?

 

[Listen]

Bart: I was a sinner, a real bad kid.
What thou shalt not, I shalt did.
Neighbors cat I tried to neuter,
took a whizz on the school computer.
Sherri & Terri: He took a whizz, oh yes he did!

Bart: But now I've changed, you can't deny,
come on up - and testify!
Sherri & Terri: Testify! Testify! Come on up and testify!
Abe: My hip's misbehavin'!
Sherri & Terri: Testify!
Patty: Got a nicotine craving!
Sherri & Terri: Testify!
Frink: There's a cramp in my glavin!
Sherri & Terri: Testify!
Bart & Sherri & Terri: Testify!
All: Testify!

Milhouse: My glasses make me look like a geek.
Bart: Now you'll get the girls you seek.
Sherri & Terri: We'll see you at Makeout Creek.
All: Bart's the boy of the hour,
he's got the power!
So raise your voice and don't be shy,
Test-a, test-a,
Bart: Test-a-fyyy!
All: Testify! Testify! Come on up and Testify!

(spoken)
Milhouse: Thank you Bart for fixing my vision,
now I see with total precision!
Bart: Song's over Milhouse, but you're welcome.

 

[Listen]

Rachel: In a motel room in Delacroix,
I was drinking like a Dartsmouth boy,
and thinkin' 'bout the wrong turns that I took.
Well I woke up on the puke green floor,
and opened up a dresser drawer,
lookin' for a bottle but instead I found a book.

A book about a man,
a book about the dude who lives above.
A book about a man,
who drives a pickup full of sweet, sweet love.

Now if you think he doesn't care,
or maybe that he isn't there,
it's not too late to see how wrong you are.
So when your soul has gone astray,
just let God be your triple-A,
he'll tow you to salvation and he'll overhaul your heart!

 

[Listen]

Family: We're gonna groove tonight,
We'll make you feel alright -
Simpsons Christmas Boogie!

We're dancing to the beat,
We'll make you move your feet -
Simpsons Christmas Boogie!
Simpsons Christmas Boogie!
Simpsons Christmas Boogie!

 

[Listen]

Singers: This log is your log,
This log is my log,
When lightning struck it,
It kicked the bucket!
Moe: I poured some onions,
inside my trousers.
Singers: This log, it used to be a tree.
Now it spreads love to you and me.
Hey look, it's heading out to sea!

 

[Listen]

Party Posse: Party Posse, we rule the Earth,
The greatest band, since music's birth!
Milhouse: We love to sweat, and we love to sing.
Nelson: We're real funky, but not threatening.
Ralph: We're the best band in the world,
Bart: But we'd give it all up for that special girl!

Party Posse: You're my special girl,
Nelson: Special girl!
Party Posse: You're my special girl,
Nelson: Only you!

 

[Listen]

Bart: I saw you last night at the spelling bee,
Milhouse: I knew right then that it was L-U-V,
Nelson: I gotta spell out what you mean to me,
Ralph: Cause I can no longer be a silent "G".

Party Posse: I've gotta spell out,
Ralph: I've gotta spell out,
Party Posse: I've gotta spell out what you mean to me,
Ralph: What you mean to me.

 

[Listen]

Party Posse: Oh, say can you rock?
Milhouse: There's trouble in a far off nation,
Ralph: Time to get in love formation.
Bart: Your love's more deadly than Saddam.
Nelson: That's why I gotta drop da bomb!

Female Singers: Yvan eht nioj!
Yvan eht nioj!
Yvan eht nioj! Eht nioj!

Nelson: This party is happening,
It's no Marge.
Bart: So sing it again -
Milhouse: Y
Ralph: van
Nelson: eht
Party Posse: nioj!
Female Singers: Y van eht nioj!
Female Singers: Y van eht nioj!

 

[Listen - 93kb]

Homer: Dancin' away my hunger pains,
Movin' my feet so my stomach won't hurt,
I'm kinda like Jesus,
But not in a sacrificial way.

 

[Listen]

Ullman shorts, Christmas show,
Marge's fling, Homer's bro,
Bart in well, Flanders fails,
Whacking snakes, Monorail.
Mr. Plow, Homer space,
Sideshow Bob steps on rakes,
Lisa's future, Selma's hubby,
Marge not proud, Homer chubby.

Homer worries Bart is gay,
Poochie, U2, NRA,
Hippies, Vegas and Japan,
Octuplets, and Bart's boy band.
Marge murmurs, Maude croaks,
Lisa's Buddhist, Homer tokes,
Maggie blows Burns away,
What else do I have to say!

They'll never stop The Simpsons,
Have no fears, we've got stories for years, like:
Marge becomes a robot,
Maybe Moe gets a cell phone,
Has Bart ever owned a bear?
Or how about a crazy wedding?
Where something happens, a-do-do-do-do-do.

Sorry for the clip show.
Have no fears, we've got story for years!

 

Homer: I get knocked down,
I get knocked down again,
You're never gonna knock me down.
I drink a whisky drink,
I drink a chocolate drink,
And when I have to pee,
I use the kitchen sink,
I sing the song that reminds me of a urinating guy...

 

[Listen]

Homer: You took a twenty-carat diamond and made it gleam,
Like a big spaghetti dinner, smothered in whip cream!
(music starts)
CBG: You're like X-men number three,
In a Mylar bag,
Snake: Your a brand new muscle car,
And all the wheels are mag.
Burns: You make me feel as young,
As the blood I get from sheep,
McCallister: Your like Jaclyn Basset,
In my favorite film... The Deep.
Moe: Your sexy and exotic,
Like a hooker from Bales,
Dr. Hibbert: Or a patient with insurance,
Who's crawling with disease.
All: Your a sundae underneath two great big cherries!
Marge: Keep in mind they're only temporary!
All: Still we'd like to say that we are very, very,
Glad to see you,
Quimby: And I degree you,
The hottest thing to hit this city since the fire that killed eleven--
(gasp from diners)
--dangerous criminals!
Diners: Hooray!
(music finishes)
Homer: And they're all mine...

 

[Listen]

Sideshow Bob: I've grown accustomed to his face,
And dreams of gouging out his eyes.
I've grown accustomed to my hate,
My plans to lacerate,
To disembowel, to hear him howl,
The very reason that I live,
Is plotting how to watch him die!

Homer: (spoken) Bart, turn down that original cast recording and go to sleep!

Sideshow Bob: I know this chubby scallywag,
Has made my life a living hell.
And surely if I drank his blood,
I'd be at peace... but well?

Bart: You've grown accustomed to my face.

Sideshow Bob: (spoken) This isn't a duet!
Bart: (spoken) Sorry!

Sideshow Bob: I've grown accustomed to your fear,
To revenge, accustomed to... your face!

 

[Listen]

Weird Al: Little ditty, 'bout Homer and Marge,
Her heart was as big as his stomach was large,
Oh yeah they say life goes on,
Long after the grilled cheese sandwich is gone.

 

[Listen]

Homer: Everybody in the USA,
Hates their stupid neighbor,
He's Flanders and he's really, really lame...
Flanders tried to wreck my song,
His views on birth control are wrong,
I hate his guts and Flanders is his name.

Lenny/Carl/Homer: F-L-A-N-R-D-S,
Homer: He's the man that I hate best,
I'd like to see his house go up in flames.

Lenny/Carl: F-L-A,
Homer: His name is Ned!
Lenny/Carl: E-R-S,
Homer: That's a stupid name!
He's worse than Frankenstein or Dr. No.

Byrne: You can't upset him even slightly,
He just smiles and nods politely,
Then goes home and worships nightly,
His Leftorium, is an emporium, of woe!

Lenny/Carl: F-L-A,
Homer: Don't yell at Ned!
Lenny/Carl: D-E-R,
Homer: His wife is dead!
Everybody hates that stupid jerk!

Byrne: Springfield rocks with Homer's joyous loathing,
Filling clubs with angry Valentinos,
You don't have to move your feet,
Just hate Flanders to the disco beat.
Homer/Byrne: He's your perky, peppy, nightmare neighborino!
If you despise polite left-handers,
Homer/Byrne/Flanders: Then I doubt you'll like Ned Flanders
Or his creepy little offspring, Rod and Todd.
Todd: That's us!
Rod: Hooray!

Audience: F-L-A,
Apu: His name is Ned,
Audience: E-R-S,
Apu: He is so white bread,
Choir: A smiling moustache geek who walks with God!

 

[Listen]

Homer: I like to walk down the avenue,
Bust a move with Disco Stu.
Stu: You shake me from my bootie to my fro.
Homer: Yes I strut down the boulevard,
Burning off my excess lard,
I rarely feel the need to utter D'oh!
Top o' the mornin' ladies!
Patty: Bite us.

Homer: I can walk from Springfield to Alaska,
Then hop out with the stars in Malibu.
Steve: Hi Homer, I'm actor Steve Buscemi.
Homer: The guy who got fed into the wood-chipper in Fargo?
Homer: And when I hear:
Turkmen: You can't walk to Turkmenistan!
Homer: I say of course I can - screw you.
(The Turkmen brandish knives)
Steve: Hey, would you guys like tickets to the Independent Film Awards?
Turkmen: Would we!?

Homer: Oh I love to perambulate,
It's standing still I really hate.
So let me please reiterate,
I love to-- (Marge runs him over) D'oh!!

 

[Listen]

Browne: You hooked up in high school,
Now you've come so far.
Then you started to hate him,
And hit him with your car.
Homer: So I threw you a fancy banquet,
And now you can't stay mad.
How bout a make-up snuggle?
It would be so rad.
(Homer and Marge make up)
Browne: ...when you turned out the light,
I've got to hand it to me.
It looks like it's me and you again tonight,
Marjory.

 

[Listen]

Lisa: I'm not that cool, I don't wear jeans,
I've polished an apple or two,
But every grade that I grubbed,
I grubbed it for you.

So call me book worm,
But I'll never squirm when there's work to be done,
Yes I'll take my lunch at my desk,
While your all outside having fun.

Don't vote for me, kids of Springfield,
Unless you want an effective leader,
I'll talk to teachers, I'll handle Skinner,
A vote for Lisa makes you the winner!

Everyone: Vote Lisa! Vote Lisa! Vote Lisa!

Nelson: I have a song too:
I am iron man,
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do,
Vote for me.

 

[Listen]

Teachers: Eyes, pearls, smile, hair points, dress, voice, shoes, swatch watch.
Lisa: I may be the new girl,
But you can brainwash me,
Just hush, push, begush me,
And then leave me be.
To fight for kid power,
I must be heard not seen,
I have to lead wisely,
Not just primp and preen.

Teachers: Nails, pimples, ears, scrunchie, purse, lunch box, teeth, Millhouse.
Lisa: This beauting-up suits me,
There's beauty within me,
So let's Olsen Twin me,
Give them someone to love.
This grown-up makeover,
Has made me a super tween,
For they are my people,
And I am their queen.

 

[Listen]

Skinner: I'm so happy with my evil plan,
Say goodbye to music, gym and art,
Soon we will have the perfect school,
Where fun and excitement never start.

Willy: I'm so drunk I can barely see,
But it helps me get through another day,
My stomach is filled with haggis and ham,
I've gotta go puke in some hay.

Bart: Lisa is a fool,
Skinner: I think the rules are cool,
Willy: I'm falling in the pool!

 

[Listen]

Lisa: What have I done?
Bart: What they wanted you to.
Lisa: Skinner betrayed me.
Bart: But a tango takes two.

 

[Listen]

Kids: Poor Lisa! poor Lisa!
Lisa: Don't cry for me kids of Springfield,
You can still reach me through email,
At smartgirl six three,
Underscore backslash,
At yahoo dot com,
At yahoo dot com!

 

[Listen]

Homer: I'm Henry the eighth, I am,
Henry the eighth, I am I am,
I've been eating since six a.m.
For dessert I'll have dinner again,
My name's synonymous with gluttony,
I'll always eat a turkey or a ham.

 

[Listen]

(Choir consists of Bart, Milhouse and Martin)

Choir: Oh Edna K, oh Edna K, oh Edna K, oh Edna K,
Oh Edna K, oh Edna K, oh Edna K, oh Edna K.
Skinner: Miss Krabappel, a sad principal,
Is desperate and needy,
If you come home I won't die alone,
And that's what I'd prefer.
Bart: Oh pleeeeease,
Settle for Seymour,
So pleeeeease,
Come back to the dork.

 

[Listen]

I could please Miss Barbara Streisand,
By spitting on the flag,
Or strangling a bald eagle,
On the cover of some mag,
But I love this country,
To me she has no sins,
If you don't buy my record,
Then Al Qaida wins.

 

[Listen]

Bart: Don't critique my technique,
I'm no geek,
I make the Principal nervous,
My friends can confirm this,
I'll but a spit wad in your epidermis.

You can trace my remorse to its super-sized source,
A hungry, hungry hypocrite named Homer of course,
My old man's pathetic,
Damn is his head thick,
The gas from his ass is carcinogenic,
Every day I pray his DNA ain't genetic.

 

[Listen]

Marge: This place is a diamond but it's trapped in the rough,
Moe: Well the sign still says Moe's, so enough of your guff,
Marge: Here's my new idea to sell both beer and grub,
We will turn this filthy dive into a proper old-time British pub.
Bart & Lisa: Guards, and meat pies, and lager in pint glasses,
What a classy way to get drunk off your asses.
Moe: Hey hold the phone, and English pub? That just might work.
Everyone: In song!
Moe: My bar could be British instead of arm-pittish,
So why don't we all--
Ah screw it, let's get renovating.

 

[Listen]

Lisa: I've been to Paris, and London, and Tokyo town,
But one crazy 'burg has 'em all beat hands down!
Sideshow Mel: Jacksonville?
Lisa: I'm talkin' Springfield - you can buy chimichangas,
Talkin' Springfield - the chicks have big gazongas,
There's tires on fire, a guy named Apu,
And Skinner, and Grampa, and old Disco Stu,
Did I forget to mention you?
Lenny: You? That's me!
Lisa: I'm talkin' Springfield, where nobody sucks.
(quietly) Except for Flanders...

 

[Listen]

Lisa: My kitty died on Christmas Eve,
Daddy told me to be brave,
But instead of singing carols,
I was digging Snowball's grave.

 

[Listen]

Lisa: I'm in the final two, I should be happy,
But al I want to do is spend more time with my pappy.
Now that you're gone, Dad, I miss you so much,
And your threats against teamsters and techies and such.
Your management style was like Attila the Hun,
You were vicious, malicious, but you got the job done.
I'm sorry I hurt you, but please don't be sad,
You're no longer my coach, but you're always my Dad.

 

[Listen]

Cameron: I'm a privileged boy, It's great I gotta tell ya,
Privileged boy, my Dad can buy and sell ya,
It really doesn't matter that you're on the list in front of me,
I'm gonna get your table 'cause I always tip the maitre d',
And then I'll go to Yale, because I am a legacy,
I'm better than you!