I can’t believe a convicted felon would get so many votes, and another convicted felon would get so few.— Lisa
Ned: Son of a diddly!
Lisa: (to Homer) I'll get us out of this. (aloud) Say, Dad, wanna see my project for the Science Fair?
Homer: (winking) No Lisa, but I sure don't wanna eat this crappy breakfast!
Homer: 'Sorry' doesn't put thumbs on the hand, Marge!
Wiggum: Nine-one-one, this better be good.
Marge: I cut off my husband's thumb!
Wiggum: Attempted murder? You'll burn for this... burn in jail!
Ned: And Harry Potter, and all his wizard friends... went straight to Hell for practicing witchcraft.
Marge: Isn't there anything you could do?
Dr. Hibbert: Well, I could cut off the other finger for a sense of symmetry.
Homer: Symmetry, eh?
Moe: Ain't you gonna have a beer?
Homer: Well, I really shouldn't, what with my massive blood loss and all. Although I do like the occasional beer!
Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country!
Lisa: Just testing.
Linguo: Sentence fragment.
Lisa: 'Sentence fragment' is also a sentence fragment.
Linguo: Must conserve battery power.
Bart: What's it like riding a girl's bike?
Milhouse: It's disturbingly comfortable.
Lou: Hey, Chief, can I hold my gun sideways? It looks so cool.
Wiggum: Sure, whatever you want, birthday boy.
Milhouse: I can't go to juvie! They use guys like me as currency!
Wiggum: Yeah, they'll pass you around like... like currency, like you said.
Wiggum: Your mission is to find the firework smugglers and get them to say something incriminating on this tape.
Bart: Hootie and the Blowfish?
Wiggum: Yeah. It's cheaper than blank tape.
Legs: Shuttupa you face!
Linguo: Shut up <i>your</i> face!
Legs: Wassamatta you?
Louie: You aint so big.
Legs: Me and him are gonna whack you in the Labonza!