Hutz: So, Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon - if that is your real name - have you ever forgotten anything?
Apu: No. In fact I can recite pi to forty thousand places. The last digit is one.
Homer: Mmm... pi.
Flanders: Oh, the network slogan is true: watch Fox and be damned for all eternity!
Wiggum: All right, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says 'Capricorn', and something with coconut on it!
Bart: Mom, can you get me some of those Flintstones Chewable Morphine?
Marge: There's no such thing!
Homer: Marge, the boy's wasting valuable time. Come change the channel and pat my head!
Apu: The aspirin is twenty-four ninety-five.
Marge: Twenty-four ninety-five?!
Apu: I lowered the price because an escaped mental patient tampered with the bottle.
Hutz: Uh-oh, we've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: Well he's had it in for me ever since I... kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Hutz: Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
Homer: Apu, I'd like you to drop the charges against my wife.
Apu: No offense... but we're putting that bitch on ice!
Ned: Now Marge, don't you worry. We've all had our brushes with the law. (Flashes back to himself answering the door.)
Policeman: Are you Ed Flanders?
Ned: No, Ned Flanders.
Policeman: My mistake!
Hutz: I move for a bad court... thingy.
Snyder: You mean a mistrial?
Hutz: Yeah. That's why you're the judge and I'm the law... talking... guy.
Homer: Marge, I'm gonna miss you so much. And it's not just the sex - it's also the food preparation, your skill with stains of all kinds...
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