I thought I’d never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man’s eyes. Thank heaven for children.— Grampa
Marge: Lisa, stop blowing my sex! I mean stop blowing your sax, your sax, stop it.
Allison: Are you hyperventilating?
Lisa: No, I just like to smell my lunch.
Bart: Hurry up and finish eating!
Homer: Your steering's fine boy! Hard to the left! Hard to the right! Cat! Deer! Old man!!
Bart: Dad, isn't this stealing?
Homer: Read the town charter, boy: 'If foodstuff should touch the ground, said foodstuff shall be turned over to the village idiot.' Since I don't see him around, start shovelling!
Marge: Believe me honey, she's more scared of you than you are of her.
Lisa: You're thinking of bears, Mom.
Bart: If you change your mind, here's my card.
Lisa: I don't need a card, you live in the room next to me.
Bart: Note to self: next year, order fewer cards.
Homer: And you didn't think I'd make any money. I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus.
Marge: While you were out 'earning' that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going into work. The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woohoo! A four day weekend!
Lisa: I should be Allison's friend. I mean, she is a wonderful person.
Bart: Way to go, Lis. Why compete with someone who's just gonna kick your butt anyway?
Lisa: I prefer my phrasing.
Homer: I can't live the buttoned down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odor - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?
Bart: We could just sabotage her diorama, humiliating her in front of the students and faculty.
Bart: Leaving her prime for the most traumatic hose-soaking of her life!
Lisa: Enough with the hose!
Homer: I've learned my lesson: a mountain of sugar is too much for one man. It's clear now why God portions it out in those tiny packets, and why he lives of a plantation in Hawaii.
Ralph: I bent my wookie.
Bart: As Allison comes out of here house we spray her with the house. Soaking her from head to foot, leaving us relatively dry.
Lisa: Relatively dry?
Bart : Well, there's bound to be some splash back.
Bart: You're a shoe-in now Lis.
Lisa: After what I've done I don't deserve to win.
Skinner: (looking at Lisa's diorama) Well this doesn't deserve to win.