I’ve learned my lesson: a mountain of sugar is too much for one man. It’s clear now why God portions it out in those tiny packets, and why he lives of a plantation in Hawaii.— Homer
Lisa: (on the phone) Dad, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a new one.
Homer: Uh, isn't this the kind of thing your mother's better at?
Lisa: I called her, she's not home. I also tried Mr. Flanders, Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Reverend Lovejoy, and that nice man who caught the snake in our basement.
Homer: Wow, and after them, out of all the people in the world, you chose me.
Homer: Hurry, Moe, hurry, I've only got five minutes 'til the music store closes.
Moe: Well, why don't you go there first?
Homer: Hey! Do I tell you how to do your job?
Moe: Sorry, Homer.
Homer: You know, if you tip the glass, there won't be so much foam on top.
Homer: Maybe I should just cut my losses, give up on Lisa, and make a fresh start with Maggie.
Homer: I'll buy her that pony she's always bugging me for.
Marge: We can't afford to buy a pony.
Homer: Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford not to buy a pony.
Marge: We're just going to have to cut down on luxuries.
Homer: Well, you know, we're always buying Maggie vaccinations for diseases she doesn't even have!
Apu: Now, these hot dogs have been here for three years. They are strictly ornamental. There is only one bozo who comes in and buys them.
Homer: But I eat... oh...
Homer: I work from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love, then I'm off to the power plant, fresh as a daisy.
Apu: He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.