Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it’s all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.— Homer
Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it’s all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.— Homer
Moe: (answering phone) Moe's Tavern, where the peanut bowl is freshened hourly.
Bart: You know why these clothes are on sale, Mom? Because the people who wear them get beaten up.
Marge: Well, anyone who beats you up for wearing a shirt isn't your friend.
Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the bible.
Lisa: Really, where?
Homer: Uh... somewhere in the back.
Lisa: Can I watch football with you again next Sunday?
Homer: Sure! You'll find it gets rid of the unpleasant aftertaste of church.
Homer: Who do you like in the afternoon games?
Lisa: Well, I like the 49ers because they're pure of heart, Seattle because they've got something to prove, and the Raiders because they always cheat.
Commentator: (later) And in extremely suspicious play, the Raiders win!
Ralph: ...and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
Homer: All right, Marge, I'll tell you, but first you have to promise you will not get mad.
Marge: I promise I will get mad, because I always do when you make me promise I won't.
Homer: All right, if you must know. Lisa and I have been gambling on pro football.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: You promised you wouldn't get mad!
Marge: But gambling is illegal!
Homer: Oh, only in 48 states. Besides, it's a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe!
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