I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year and as a result I almost missed work.— Apu
Homer: You really thought I'd forgot, didn't you?
Bart: Oh, right. What did you get her Dad?
Lisa: Yeah, whatcha get?
Homer: (out of bed "and" getting dressed) A very... thoughtful gift. But it's a surprise! You know it's such a beautiful morning, I think I'll take a little stroll around the block.
Marge: Homer, I'm keeping the ball. For myself.
Homer: What? But you don't know how to bowl! ...whoops.
Lisa: Don't be scared, Dad. It's not so hard taking care of us.
Homer: Lisa, I'm not scared, I think it's a great chance to spend some time with you kids. Your mother always gets to be alone with you, and now it's my turn. (long pause) Does the time always drag like this?
Jacques: Many people have senseless attachments to heavy clumsy things such as this Homer of yours.
Marge: What's brunch?
Jacques: You'll love it. It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would get at breakfast, but you get a good meal.
Lisa: Bart, I've read about what happens to kids who's parents no longer love and cherish each other. They go through eight separate stages. Right now I'm in stage three, Fear. You're in stage two, Denial.
Bart: No I'm not!
Lisa: Yes you are!
Bart: Am not am not am not!!!
Lisa: I stand corrected...
Helen Lovejoy: You remember me, don't you? I'm Helen Lovejoy the gossipy wife of the minister.
Marge: Hello, Helen.
Helen Lovejoy: Well, I had just finished eating and was about to leave when I looked over this way and said to myself, "Why, isn't that Marge Simpson over there, having brunch with a man who isn't her husband?".
Homer: You know, I've been thinking. Everyone makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but usually the jelly drips out over the sides and the guy's hands get all sticky. But your jelly stays right in the middle, where it's supposed to. I don't know how you do it, you've just got a gift I guess. And I've always thought so, I've just never mentioned it. But it's time you knew how I felt. I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up.
Worker: Hey, what'll I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!