I’ll keep it short and sweet: Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.— Burns
Jimbo: I heard that guy's ass has it's own congressman.
Salesman: Well, sir, many of our clients find pants confining. So we offer a range of alternatives for the ample gentleman: ponchos, muu-muus, capes, jumpsuits, uni-sheets, muslin body rolls, academic and judicial robes.
Homer: I don't want to look like a weirdo. I'll just go with a muu-muu.
Bart: (as an old fat man) I wash myself with a rag on a stick.
Homer: To start press any key. Well where's the "any" key? I see Esc, Catarl, and PigUp. There doesn't seem to be any any key! Phew. All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a Tab. (pushes Tab key) Oop! No time for that now, the computer's starting.
Homer: What can I do to speed the whole thing up, doctor?
Dr. Nick: Well, be creative. Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use Pop Tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.
Bart: You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!
Dr. Nick: Hey... did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, too?
Homer: I've gotta call the plant and warn them! (pushes buttons on phone)
Phone Announcer: The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with the palm ... now.
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