I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year and as a result I almost missed work.— Apu
Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!
Homer: Do you really think you're pregnant?
Marge: Well, I have the same nausea and craving for pancake mix I had with the other kids.
Homer: Yeah, and I have the same tightness in my chest and profuse sweating I always did.
Bart: Hey, Homer, how come Mom's going to the doctor?
Lisa: Is anything wrong?
Homer: No, everything's fine. Your mother uh just... broke her leg.
Homer: Yeah, sure, for you, a baby's all fun and games. For me, it's diaper changes and midnight feedings.
Lisa: Doesn't Mom do that stuff?
Homer: Yeah, but I have to hear about it.
Marge: What about Bart? (as a name)
Homer: Let's see... Bart, Cart, Dart, Eart... Nope, can't see any problem with that!
Minister: Do you, Marjorie Bouvier take Homer J. Simpson to be your lawful wedded husband?
Marge: I do.
Minister: Homer, same question, names reversed.
Smithers: There's a problem with the reactor. What do you do?
Homer: There's a problem with the reactor!? We're all going to die!
Seminar speaker: First, let me assure you that this is not one of those shady pyramid schemes you've been hearing about. No sir. Our model is the trapezoid!
Mr. Burns: Who was that young hellcat, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I'll remember that name...
No parodies have been added for this episode yet.