It all started last year during a terrible thunderstorm, when I locked myself out of the house. Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find!— Homer
Sherri: Our dad says your dad is incompetent.
Bart: What does ''incompetent'' mean?
Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scoffing down donuts than doing his job.
Bart: Okay. I thought you were putting him down.
Homer: I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor. I've never done anything worthwhile in my life. I'm a big worthless nothing.
Marge: There, there, Homer. You'll find a job. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents, and you've always bounced back.
Homer: I'm a little low on funds. Do you think you could cover me just this once?
Moe: No, sorry.
Homer: Why not? After all these years I think I deserve an explanation.
Moe: I don't think you're ever going to get another job and be able to pay me back. Don't worry, we're still friends.
Homer: Beer - now there's a temporary solution.
Homer: Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, let me count and make sure. (he counts the money) Not even close.
Homer: If they think I'm gonna stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!
Bart: (quietly) Gee, Dad's a hero.
Homer: What did you say, son?
Homer: That's okay, I'll just assume you said what I thought I heard you say.
Homer: Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.
Homer: Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked along side them, gone bowling with them, watch them pass me over for promotion time and time again.
Homer: (thinking) Me in charge of safety? This place could blow sky-high. Nah, I'll concentrate on my work now. Hey, this guy's desk sure is big. I can't let Marge support the family! This guy's got the cleanest shirt I've ever seen. What should I...
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