I’ll keep it short and sweet: Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.— Burns
Skinner: I'm going to punish you for this, Bart. And it won't just be a simple caning this time. Because you have impeded science, you must now aid science. Yes... Starting tomorrow, you will assist me with my amateur astronomy, taking down coordinates, carrying equipment, and so forth. Four-thirty in the morning.
Bart: There's a four-thirty in the morning now?
Radio DJ: Top of the hour, time for the morning news. But of course, there is no news yet, everyone's still asleep in their comfy, comfy beds. Good night, everybody.
Skinner: Ah, there's nothing more exciting than science. You get all the fun of... sitting still, being quiet, writing down numbers, paying attention... Science has it all.
Homer: And then I sped away without anyone seeing my license plate.
Lisa: Sounds like you had a good day today, Dad.
Homer: Yeah... 'cept I forgot to go to work.
Quimby: Fellow citizens, when I learned about the impending crisis, I caught the very next plane to Springfeld... field.
Homer: Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back. Our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
Lisa: No, Dad, I don't think--
Homer: Ah-ah! There's that word again.
Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.
Reverend Lovejoy: It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer!
Kent Brockman: Over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another, he just cannot report. It doesn't seem to matter now, so... the following people are gay. (A list of names scrolls past very quickly.)
Homer: Okay, if you're that worried about it, let's go down to the bomb shelter.
Lisa: We have a bomb shelter?
Homer: Homer Simpson takes care of his family. (cut to Homer banging on a door) Flanders! Open up!
Lisa: I can't believe that extra-thick layer of pollution that I've picketed against is what burned up the comet.
Bart: But what's really amazing, is that this is exactly what Dad said would happen.
Lisa: Yeah, Dad was right...
Homer: I know, kids. I'm scared too!
Homer: What's everyone so worked up about? So there's a comet - big deal. It'll burn up in our atmosphere and what's ever left will be no bigger than a chihuahua's head.
Bart: Wow Dad, maybe you're right.
Homer: Of course I'm right. If I'm not, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow.
Bart: Mom, will you make me breakfast?
Marge: (sleepily) There's a stuffed pepper in the trash from last night. Just rinse it good.
No parodies have been added for this episode yet.