This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.— Wiggum
Name: Jeff Albertson.
Referred to as: Comic Book Guy
Identity: Overweight, sarcastic comic store owner stuffed into a T-shirt 3 sizes too small.
Age: 45 (he is a virgin and still lives with his mother)
Occupation: Purveyor of comic collectables and memorabilia.
Education: Master's degree in folklore and mythology.
Friends: None. Once dated Agnes Skinner.
Loves: Collecting comics, eating burritos by the wheelbarrow-full.
Hates: Getting off his stool for anything other than a cash transaction.
Items for sale in his shop:
"No banging your head on the display cabinet please. It contains a rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide, thank you."